Living in the "After" Photo

First off I would like to say that "Before and After" photos (when they are of yourself) suck! I know, it seems so cool and everyone likes to see them... of other people. But, for me, it kind of feels like I'm hating on that "before" girl. But for me, she's the reason I'm here. She's the reason I get to live in "after" right now. It's hard though looking through old pics... like really hard. Because I am seeing her, myself, in a whole new way. Fresh eyes. I can see just how big I was. I see myself BURIED! AHHH! It's scary and real and so very sad. It's sad because I think of all the amazing memories I had as that girl and I feel like maybe now they are some how tainted. I'm trying to remember these events as I saw and felt them then and not how I see them now in pictures. Does that make sense? College was awesome... I LOVED it. I met the most amazing people there and have the best friendships because of it but, I look back at pictures and I just want to start crying. Ugh, I am such a crier... not really... well kind of. I have toyed with the idea of just wiping out my facebook and starting fresh. Getting rid of all the old pictures of me that I have up and that I'm tagged in since I don't look like that any more... but then it's like... just because I don't look like that doesn't mean that isn't me. That is me. That is my life. My experiences and I want to keep them... so they stay. But, I can't really look through them right now. Unless I am forced and recently I was forced to look through and pick one to be my "Before" photo.

My trainer at 24 asked if they could put my story on the Success board a the gym... and I agreed. What can I say, he's done so much for me I couldn't say no. He did ask for me to find my worst before photo.. I did not do this. I hate those before pictures where they show some poor girl from the side view sitting down, bending over a plate, eating like a loaded taco or something... really? It's like, I'm fat, do I really need any more help looking fat... no. So, I chose this photo to be my "before" because that was the best I was going to look at that size. Still fat but not a total slob. It worked out that the weekend before needing to get this to him I wore a red dress for my bestie's graduation and got a full body of myself in a similar pose and direction. 

I wasn't planning on sharing this on my blog because I feel like I am always posting about my fitness journey recently (sorry about that). Pretty much it has consumed my life and is what I am really passionate about right now and I write better when it's something I'm passionate about. Anywho, a couple days ago a friend of mine said that someone had shared a link with her asking if this success story on the 24 Hour Fitness for Gladstone, MO was her friend (me) and it was. I didn't even know they had put it on the interweb. Checked it out and sure enough there I was. So, I thought I would go ahead and post my "Before and After" pics and the story I wrote for them. Please enjoy.

Recently I’ve had a lot of people who used to know me come up and tell me that they didn’t even recognize me at first. It took me a bit to digest this because for the first time I finally recognize myself. I am becoming the person I always knew I could and so badly wanted to be. I had to find my fighter who was buried under fear and doubt and let her out.

 265 lbs. That was my starting line, but the thing about this journey is there is no finish line. When I started on this path I wasn’t starting a “diet,” I was changing my life forever. Yes, I have weight loss goals, but it’s not just about the weight, it’s about living a full and healthy life. It’s about being able to look back without regrets. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy road; I didn’t want it to be, but it would be worth every moment. First, I had to educate myself on nutrition and better understand my body and how it works. I picked up the book, “This is why you’re fat (and how to get thin forever)” by Jackie Warner and things started to make sense. As a self-proclaimed vegetable-hater I had to give them another chance and find out what worked for me. I made a plan and started cooking my own meals. Second, I began moving. I started out walking and doing some resistance training with videos and as I got stronger I pushed up the intensity and added more in. Thirdly, I continued to remind myself that this was a forever life change and so even when I slipped up and ate something I shouldn’t have or went without working out I had to give myself grace and keep going. Quitting has NEVER been an option or even a thought in my mind. Mess up? Dust it off and keep going.

24 Hour Fitness became a part of my journey at the beginning of 2012. In a little under a year I had lost 60 lbs all on my own but after starting a new job at the end of 2011 I was finding way too many excuses not to work out. I decided to join 24 Hour so that I could hit the gym after work and before I got home.  It was also time for me to take things to the next level and I knew to get the results I wanted, I needed some help. I signed up for a personal trainer and it was the best decision I could have made. Suddenly, I was working out at least 2 hours a day, 6 days a week and I discovered I loved it! Working out has become the highlight of my day. Mixing it up with different workouts such as Zumba, Kickboxing, Running, Lifting, and Resistance Training makes me so much more versatile. I also got set up with the BodyBugg so I can monitor how many calories I burn and I log my food every day. I am so thankful to my trainer, Trey, who revealed the athlete inside of me. He’s gone above and beyond to help with my success. 24 Hour is where I became addicted to working out; I’ve lost 20+ lbs since being at 24 Hour and I feel so strong.

For as long as I can remember I have been the pretty fat girl. Now I get to be so much more than that. I’ve lost 80+ lbs so far. I went from a size 18-20 to a size 8-10. There are no special tricks or gimmicks, just hard work and a lot of dedication. It hasn’t happened over night and I still have a ways to go but I’m ready.

Click here to see the link on facebook

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So there you have it. My brother asked me if I cared that they were kind of taking credit for the 60lbs I lost on my own before joining 24 Hour and I told him no. And this is why, my tainer, Trey. I am so proud of what I did on my own before 24 Hour and I know I would have stuck with it on my own and I know that when I am back on my own I will be okay... but before Trey working out was a means to an end. I didn't love it. After Trey, I am obsessed. He made it "fun." It's my way of living. It's the best part of my day. I get cranky and mad if I don't get to work out. I'd do it all day if I could. I've gained so much muscle and lost a lot of body fat and inches that my 60 on my own to the 25 at the gym really starts to even out. 

my nikes

What do you do with the most important pair of shoes you've ever bought when you can no longer wear them?

my nikes

These are the shoes that I started this journey in. They have literally been with me every painstaking step of the way. They were there when I was walking and speed walking and then when I threw in some jogging and then I took off running. And they were there when I ran my first mile under ten minutes and then when I ran a mile in seven minutes and thirty seconds and when I ran my first race. They've been inside on the treadmill and outside in the snow. They've done tons of Zumba and some Power Circuit Training with Jackie Warner and Extreme Cardio Burn with Bob Harper and some Insanity. They've traveled the streets around my neighborhood more times than I can count and they even made a brief appearance in my second home of Texas. Lord, when I think of all the things I have done in these shoes, the list goes on and on and on. I became a different person in these shoes. I lost 80 lbs. in these shoes. If these shoes could talk they would have quite the tale to tell.

They are worn in and worn out and it's time for them to go into retirement. My new shoes arrived this week. While a part of me feels like I am cheating on my first pair I think they're happy to see me move on. They were there to get me through this first chapter and now they wave me on to bigger and better things.

So, what do you do with the most important pair of shoes you've ever bought when you can no longer wear them?

Part of me envisions them hanging over a power line like you see in old movies.

But, let's be honest, I could never really do that. I'd miss them too much.

For now they will be my back up tennis shoes... the ones I can get dirty, take on hikes in the woods, work outside in the yard. But, one day when I have my own place with a sports room I see them in their own special trophy case of some kind. When people come over and see these unassuming shoes in the case and ask about them, I will get to tell them that those are the shoes I changed my life in.




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These are my new Nikes. I am really loving them. I had worn my old ones technically too long and there was no more cushion or support left in those babies. When I grew up money was tight so you wore your tennis shoes until you grew out of them or you put a hole in them. So, it wasn't until about a month ago that I realized I had overstayed my welcome in my shoes and they were worn out. Running in these new Nikes is a dream. Can't wait to see what is in our future.

Run with the Changes

I completed my first official race two Saturday's ago. I ran in the KC Track Club's 34th Annual St. Patrick's Day Run in Westport. It was four miles long and I finished with a time of 37:44.9. The original goal was under 40 min but in my head I wanted to beat 38 min so, I was very pleased with that number. Especially, since I had to weave in and out to get around people right there at the beginning. They had some pretty decent hills in there as well, with two of them being there in the last mile. In the end I really had a lot of fun. Nothing beats that high you get at the end of a good workout or a great run.

I know, I just used the word "fun" to describe running; I must be insane. This is what's so exciting about this journey. Things that were once so abstract and impossible to me are now a part of my reality. In all of this there has been the obvious physical training that has occurred to build up my strength and endurance to take on more and more. But, the biggest growth has been in getting out of my head. Just believing in myself and seeing myself as an athlete instead of a spectator.

Running gives me a lot of alone time with my thoughts. This is probably a good and bad thing. It's nice to have that time to think but I have some random thoughts that take off on some wild rabbit trails. I thought I would leave you with some of my random running thoughts and experiences.

There is a 3 mile loop I run on quite frequently around my neighborhood. The first mile goes steadily up hill and then just at the beginning of the second mile there is a lovely hill. I really do wonder how many times I have had the pleasure of trotting up that thing. Several years ago my Grammy was working on getting in shape and started going on lots of walks. She and my Papa would go to the park out in Parkville by the Missouri River to walk. One time I went with them and the whole time my Papa would call out words of encouragement to my Grammy. But these weren't your normal words of encouragement. Instead he would call out things like, "there goes a french fry or a whole stick of butter. I just saw a roll fall off your butt." So, as we're walking along the path it's like we left a trail of goodies behind us. Now with this kind of visual going through my mind when I am out running on this path I take so often I frequently envision food I've run off scattered all along the way. And on my #1 hill it is stacked with the biggest load. It really is my marker hill because no matter what other hill I am headed up I think of that one.

I run in the evening when it's dark a lot because with my schedule sometimes that's the only time I can get it in. If I take Manasseh with me I am loaded with him on his leash, my ipod attached to my arm, holding my phone (in case of an emergency), and a flashlight (one, to be reflective and two, because it has a strobe setting that is supposed to cause a seizer and it has sharp edges around the lit area so I can thrust it in an attacker's eye, etc., if need be). I am used to having all this stuff with me when I go out at night for a run. A couple of weeks ago I went out without Manasseh and forgot to bring a the lethal flashlight. The night before there had been a storm so, there were a lot of sticks and branches on the ground creating some creepy shadows with the street lights. I was getting a little creeped out when I rounded a corner where a street light cast a shadow coming up on me. I did a weird freak out move as I realized it was my own shadow... nice.

I attended a private school up until the fourth grade when my parents made one of their best decisions to move us to public school. With private school everything was a huge production; this includes the mile run for physical fitness testing. They would bus the whole school (k-8) out to some local high school track to run the mile. Oh, and everyone's parents and family would come out to watch too... perfect. They'd have music playing as they went grade by grade to go run. I would be so nervous that my stomach would have been in knots since the night before. When it would be my grades turn to run I would be so flustered it was hard to breath normally, let alone while running. Needless to say... I totally sucked it up... and it was embarrassing... and it made me hate the mile... and it engraved in me that "THE MILE" was this huge deal. So, when I went to public school and some random day during gym class the teacher would inform us that we would be running the mile that day, my stomach began it's nervous dance. I was forever intimidated by the idea of a mile. I was at a point where I thought I had done a good job if I didn't walk at all during it but had never run a mile under ten minutes until a couple months ago. Now I can run multiple miles in a row, each being under ten minutes. And now a mile is just a mile to me.

I would like to make it clear that I am not a pretty runner nor am I one of those runners that looks like they are floating as they go by. I have not executed some strategic method of breathing nor do I claim to have mastered my stride. In fact I still don't know if I qualify to be called a "runner." I run at least five times a week for at least 3 miles but, what's the definition you must meet to claim that title? Not sure. I do ponder this when I am running.

When I run at a park I love passing by other runners going the other direction because it's like we're in some unofficial club (like jeep owners) where we smile and nod at complete strangers as if we are good pals. They make for nice nods of encouragement along the way.

I always work out in pants that go down to my knees. But, just the other day I was wearing some shorts that were shorter than that to play ultimate frisbee with some people at the park. When we were done I really wanted to go for a run. I pondered on whether or not I should do it since I wasn't wearing longer shorts but, in a rash decision made out of my excitement of being outside... I went for it. NEVER AGAIN! I don't know how other ladies do it but for me, I spent most my time pulling my shorts down after they kept riding up. Makes it hard to get a good stride going. Brought me back to the days of high school and cheer practice in Sofi shorts. I'll stick with my knee length shorts for now.

Anyway... it's a crazy time in my life right now. I swear you need a therapist to go through these kind of massive life changes. Very blessed to have a family that is willing to let me ramble on about new revelations, thoughts, and experiences. Everything is new. I currently weigh less than what my driver's license says... which has never been true. Yep, you guessed right, that means I weight less than I did than when I was 15 and I got my learner's permit. In fact I am about then pounds away from weighing less than I ever did in middle school. Try and wrap your mind around that. Crazy life changes for sure. I am noticing the world seeing me differently. Now I just have to figure out how I see the new me.

Music that Moves You

You know that moment when you're running and you're about to hit a wall, and then... the song changes on your ipod (mp3 player, cd player, cassette player... whatever you rock), and all of a sudden you muster up some kind of supernatural strength you didn't know you had. I love that moment.

I am sorry, but I cannot do my cardio without music. One, it takes my mind off of what exactly I'm doing to my body. Two, I hate hearing myself breathing heavy (I am not a pretty runner). Three, it keeps me motivated. When a good song comes on, I get an extra little pop in my shoulders, and sometimes I start punching my arms like a boxer ready to fight. I'm sure it's quite a sight to see.

My workout mix is pretty cliche with mostly hip hop/pop songs. If you can dance to it, I want to run to it. Plenty of Missy Elliot, Beyonce, and Black Eyed Peas songs and then some other songs I love in there right now are: Whip my Hair, Get Outta Your Mind, Go Hard, Hard Knock Life, and, of course, others that will come to my mind later and I will wonder how I ever forgot to include them. I want to add some "Stadium Jams." You know, the pump up songs they play at sporting events. I think I have a CD tucked away somewhere called "Stadium Jams" that has all those classic songs on it. I should find that.

Now I must share with you this fabulous song that is my newest "Get Your Groove On Song." I need to download it so I can get it on my ipod stat and start sweatin' to it.
Please Enjoy!


Now, what do you have on your ipod when you work out? I am really curious to find out what others are listening to so I hope you do leave a comment and share. I often ponder what others are rocking out to during their workout or what long distance runners listen to. Do they mix it up? Would I be surprised to find out they play classical music? Do they play a book recording? In high school, we read Ironman by Chris Crutcher and the main character competed in an Ironman competition and his classmates made him a special mix tape for his run.

So, please do share what you listen to and maybe I can add some to my list.

Dear Muscles, I'm sorry. Thank You. You're Welcome.

Had my fourth session with my Personal Trainer at 24 Hour Fitness tonight and in less than 1 week I have lost four pounds! Whoot, whoot!

About a year ago I weighed 265 lbs. (Yep, I just put it out there). Since the end of January last year I lost 60 lbs. with me, myself, and I as my personal trainer and #1 motivator. I am so proud of what I did on my own but I really needed to take things to the next level and I knew to get the results I want I needed some help. I am so blessed to have a job so that I can afford to get a gym membership and for now a trainer (but it would be an understatement to say I am stretching it with the trainer!!!). But, the way I figure it, we are talking about the rest of my life here... that's worth it! So, we'll make it work.

I started up with my trainer last Wednesday night and weighed in at 205.7 and tonight I came in at 201.7. I am so close to ONE-DERLAND I can taste it! If you are a female who has weighed over 200 pounds you know just how much that means. There is something about being a girl that weighs over 200 lbs. that just takes away all your femininity. It's hard to feel like a "lady" when you're bigger than a lot of, if not most, guys. Or when all you are to other people when you're out with friends is "the big girl." I'm 24 years old and I have never had a boyfriend or been asked out on a date. This isn't my sob story and I don't have any violins playing in the background, it's just my truth. I can't remember exactly but I don't think I've been under 200 since 8th grade or freshman year of high school... crazy.

I share all this with you: One, to celebrate. This is exciting stuff. Two, to say that there are no tricks or gimmicks. No magic pill or fad diet that works (Cleanse all you want but, at the end of the day it helps to build some muscle underneath there). It takes hard work, dedication, and a lot of sweat. So, to my muscles I would like to say, "I'm sorry. Thank you. You're Welcome."

Side Note: I love it when my trainer calls me a beast or says, "you need more weight, don't you?" -- "Yes, yes I do. Game on."

It wasn't about the presents underneath the tree...

...Instead it was all about their wrapping.
As you get older you get less gifts being that the things you want now cost a lot more mullah. So, in an effort to make every gift count and feel over the top special, I created a unique bow for each and every gift. Plus, I just love doing that kind of crap. You know, the stuff that takes so much time to prepare and then only has a very brief moment in the sun. That's why once I spent weeks doing paper mache on a bunch of balloons to make these ball center pieces for an event that was two hours long, and why in the eighth grade I would go to school extra early on a friends birthday to decorate their locker and fill it full of balloons so that when they opened it they would all come pouring out, and why I once drove ten hours straight home and cut up a huge refrigerator box to look like a giant gift box with a lid and wrapped it and got inside it and had my best friend open it up for her 18th Birthday... it's all about a moment. A moment to make something just a little more special for someone else. They may not remember the detail but they can probably remember the feeling.

So, I know I am behind on the whole Christmas thing but, I hope you can still enjoy.

Baby It's Cold Outside

It's that time to pull out your coats and bundle up. My BRAND NEW coat from last year no longer fits. I loved that coat! So, I was on the look out for a new love. It's hard to find a super cute coat for a good price but thanks to a spectacular deal at New York & Co. I found a winner. The coat was going to be like $120 so, with my coupon below, all I had to do was pick out $80 worth of other clothes and then the total would be $100 and since I had $50 from the grandparents for my Christmas gift I was able to put that towards the clothes. So... This beautiful coat was only $50 (plus I got two skirts and two tops). Deal!

^Can't pass on a deal that good!

^I love all it's multiple uses. Keeps things fun.