Thursday, October 10, 2013

at first glance

I've always been a "long-hair" girl. At this point, it's just kind of a part of me. An identifier.

Bethany = long, brown hair.

My sophomore year of college, I chopped off my hair.
Not boy-short, but above the shoulders.
I was happy with it for a while, but then I realized something...
When I met someone new, they didn't know I was a "long-hair" girl. Suddenly this identifier was taken away. The Bethany they knew was short, brown hair Bethany. I found myself wanting to tell them that I used to have really long hair. That I had always had long hair. That I wasn't a short-hair girl.

It was like…word vomit. Without even thinking it through, I found myself explaining. Because if we're truly getting to know each other, you need to know that I am a "long hair" girl.

"I haven't always been this size." "I used to weigh more." "I've lost a lot of weight." "I used to be bigger."

word vomit

Every person I meet from this point on will only know me as fit Bethany. That's great, but it's just a snapshot. I find myself at different points with people—feeling like I have to explain how I got to where I am now so they better understand me.

For the most part I try not to throw it on people right away; but rather, as the relationship/friendship grows and they find out more about me, it will come up and be explained. But then there are times like when I'm at the gym and someone approaches me and asks if I used to be some kind of athlete or if I am training for something... and I'm like... ugh… well, ya see...

And then there are those that I know that at first glance, I'm just a pretty face.
The sweet life is assumed.
"You must have guys coming up to you all the time." "You must have been so popular." "You must have had so many boyfriends". "You must have always gotten your way." "You must have…"

uhh... you must be wrong.

I know more about being invisiblethan I know about being seen.
I know more about being forgotten…than I know about being remembered.

It's not just a size thing but rather my personality. I love to be boisterous and entertain and have fun with those I know, but my comfort zone is pulled back. The observer.
I'd rather say nothing than say too much.

I'm more than a pretty face.

I'm intelligent. Not a genius, true, but not an idiot.
I have a sense of humor... a few may even say I'm funny (not my sister, but some do. lol)
I am one that does things on purpose. I value my time and don't do things casually.
I am competitive... ugh, sometimes to a fault (some of you know some funny stories to go with that)
I love being active, but I have also ALWAYS been a cuddler.
I value myself while caring deeply for others—like deep down to the soul type of caring.
I have an itch for adventure and I want to travel the world. Unending curiosity.
(thanks dad for helping me with that list. ^)

I have a hard time with others assuming things about me that are not true. I am learning to let go of that need to explain. I am too delicate to throw my "pearls before swine," and I remind myself that other people's opinions of me are none of my business. For my identity is in Christ alone.

At first glance we may appear to be

but take another look

you may like what you see

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