Bethany = long, brown hair.
My sophomore year of college, I chopped off my hair.
Not boy-short, but above the shoulders.
I was happy with it for a while, but then I realized something...
When I met someone new, they didn't know I was a "long-hair" girl. Suddenly this identifier was taken away. The Bethany they knew was short, brown hair Bethany. I found myself wanting to tell them that I used to have really long hair. That I had always had long hair. That I wasn't a short-hair girl.
It was like…word vomit. Without even thinking it through, I found myself explaining. Because if we're truly getting to know each other, you need to know that I am a "long hair" girl.
"I haven't always been this size." "I used to weigh more." "I've lost a lot of weight." "I used to be bigger."
word vomit
Every person I meet from this point on will only know me as fit Bethany. That's great, but it's just a snapshot. I find myself at different points with people—feeling like I have to explain how I got to where I am now so they better understand me.
For the most part I try not to throw it on people right away; but rather, as the relationship/friendship grows and they find out more about me, it will come up and be explained. But then there are times like when I'm at the gym and someone approaches me and asks if I used to be some kind of athlete or if I am training for something... and I'm like... ugh… well, ya see...
And then there are those that I know that at first glance, I'm just a pretty face.
The sweet life is assumed.
"You must have guys coming up to you all the time." "You must have been so popular." "You must have had so many boyfriends". "You must have always gotten your way." "You must have…"
uhh... you must be wrong.
I know more about being invisible…than I know about being seen.
I know more about being forgotten…than I know about being remembered.
It's not just a size thing but rather my personality. I love to be boisterous and entertain and have fun with those I know, but my comfort zone is pulled back. The observer.
I'd rather say nothing than say too much.
I'm more than a pretty face.
I'm intelligent. Not a genius, true, but not an idiot.
I have a sense of humor... a few may even say I'm funny (not my sister, but some do. lol)
I am one that does things on purpose. I value my time and don't do things casually.
I am competitive... ugh, sometimes to a fault (some of you know some funny stories to go with that)
I love being active, but I have also ALWAYS been a cuddler.
I value myself while caring deeply for others—like deep down to the soul type of caring.
I have an itch for adventure and I want to travel the world. Unending curiosity.
(thanks dad for helping me with that list. ^)
I have a hard time with others assuming things about me that are not true. I am learning to let go of that need to explain. I am too delicate to throw my "pearls before swine," and I remind myself that other people's opinions of me are none of my business. For my identity is in Christ alone.
At first glance we may appear to be…
but take another look…
you may like what you see…
Another great post! I especially like your juxtaposition of what you "know" along with the use of parallel structure. But most importantly, you ARE a cuddlier! And I love your cuddles--you do it really well!
ReplyDelete*cuddler
ReplyDeleteI loved every single word in this post.
ReplyDeleteThis part made me tear up a little bit...
"I know more about being invisible…than I know about being seen." :(
I also love your description of yourself. No wonder I feel a constant connection with you regardless of how far away we live, or how long it's been since I've seen you last. You are kind of my soulmate.
For the past year I've been working on not "tossing my pearls before swine." So my mouth dropped open a bit when I saw this on your page! It's definitely difficult to feel misunderstood, and at times feels easier to attempt to defend and explain to others the things that matter most, but the disheartening feeling that follows when others trample on the things they don't respect or understand is always a strong reminder for me that I should keep those things safe and share my heart with only those select kindred few.
I hope you are having an amazing birthday!
Love ya!
We are most definitely kindred spirits. I've always felt a deep bond with you even when we were on separate paths or living far away and had not seen each other in literal years. I am thankful for that connection and our friendship. You're a deep and wide person not a short and shallow person. So a lot of people just won't get you (the you) but the ones that do, they get the gem. And they're the ones you want to keep around.
DeleteSorry, I wrote that on my phone and it totally messed it all up. Should be "literally" and "the real you". Oops
DeleteThis was very beautiful, I think we all have walls up that we have built up over the years to protect our feelings. I'm still learning how not to care about peoples opinions of me.
ReplyDelete