leading lady

There's a scene in the movie The Holiday where Iris (played by Kate Winslet) says, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God's sake!"

I recently turned 25 and in the weeks leading up to October 12, I thought a lot about this past year and I can honestly say that 24 was the best year of my life to date. And, here's why - I became the leading lady in my life.

I have some amazing friends and have had no problem playing this girl in their lives.

Yeah, not Jennifer Lopez... the other one, the one of the left. If you are any bit of a Romantic Comedy buff you know that Judy Greer is always the "supporting" actress. She's the best friend, the assistant, the back up. I love being that girl for my friends but, it was time that I be the leading lady in my own life. Here's what I can say about 24, if someone were to make a movie about my 24th year of life... you would want to watch it... and you would like it... heck you might even love it. You'd laugh (a lot), you'd cry (just because my year was great doesn't mean it was perfect), and you'd totally fall in love with the crazy, quirky leading lady finding her way and making her mark on the world around her.

This year I:
Got my first big girl, full time job... with a paycheck... that I gave away to bills.
Traveled! ... (for weddings mostly... it's that time when everyone is getting hitched)

Rekindled an old friendship that I treasure dearly.
Got a personal trainer... and good friend along the way.

Worked out...  A LOT!

Discovered my inner athlete... who knew?

Fell in love with running and did my first "run" ever and then several after that.

Set bigger goals for myself.
Made new and unexpected friends.
Went out... mostly classy endeavors... sometimes not so much.
Had my first date ever...
Had my first kiss...
Found out how fun it is to talk with your girlfriends about their first kiss... hilarious!
Proved that true friendships will persevere no matter the distance between living locations.
Met someone that could quite possibly be a game changer... and that kind of scares the crap out of me but, we'll see what happens... the next chapter is still unwritten.
Was reminded daily that I am broken and imperfect all the time but, by the grace of God I have the opportunity to do something really special with my life.

It was because of my faith that I was able to hit rock bottom over a year ago and realize that I had to let go and let God take over to live my life at 100%. I don't want to leave anything behind. I don't want to miss out on God's will for my life. I have made a lot of mistakes and am positive that this is a trend that will continue but, what is also true is that God always meets me where I am at. Always has his arms wide open. Never leaves me. So, no matter what He has me in the midst of right now, I will do it at 100% leaving nothing back. I will be the leading lady in my life... and I promise you'll want to watch.

Change of plans...

"Life isn't about the destination, it's about enjoying the journey." - And thank goodness for that. How many times have I set out to reach one destination and ened up somewhere totally different? Or the journey takes a whole different route than planned. If life was just about the destination I would be a complete failure. And while this does sometimes feel true... I look back on the little journeys I have taken that make up my life and I can't help but smile. The people I have met, the adventures I have had, the lessons I have learned, they all make up the person I am today.

We make plans and God laughs.

The first profession I can remember wanting as a kid was to be an ice skater...ha ha, He must have gotten a big laugh out of that one. It's important to plan and be prepared because as they say, "Those who fail to plan, plan to fail" but, you have to be ready to roll with the punches. Life is going to happen and it's going to be messy and difficult but it will also be beautiful and rewarding.

When I first started out on this "Health" journey I knew that if it was truly going to work it had to be a life change forever. Meaning there was no finish line. There would be highs and lows but, either way I had to keep going. It wasn't about reaching a number and then stopping. Of course I had a number... "the" number (the goal weight)... but thank goodness it is not the end all because I'm still not there. If this was all just about the number... then everything so far would feel like a total fail because I'm still not there. Honestly, I really thought I would be. It's been a little over a year and half and I truly thought I would be there by now... but I'm not. I'm not at that number but I am having the journey of a lifetime. The last year and half has been EPIC. I am doing things I always wanted to do but never gave myself the chance. I have met people that have changed me... I am different, I am better, because of them. And the lessons I have learned and am learning... oh the lessons.

So, change of plans... I'm not going to be an ice skater when I grow up. And I don't weigh 160... yet. And I may never cross everything off my bucket list. But I promise you this, I sure am going to try. And I will fail, and fail hard but, I'm also going to keep on, press in, and live my life to the very fullest.


Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. Colossians 3:23

Veggie Tales

Boccoli, celery, gotta be... Veggie Tales! Remember those guys? I'm not talking about these Jesus loving Veggies today but rather my revolutionized relationship with the veggies that you actually eat.

Take a look at my shopping cart these days and you would have no idea that I used to despise veggies. When I was a kid I hated vegetables so much that I came up with some pretty creative ways to "clean my plate." My parents tried so hard to get me to eat my veggies; using the classic, "no dessert unless you eat those" or "you cannot leave the table until you eat those." Here's the deal, I was a really good kid... like goody-two-shoes good but, I was also a little sneaky. I was able to get away with a lot of stuff under the veil of being the good kid. My sneaky, evasive behavior was unexpected.

There was no way I was going to choke down those veggies and of course I didn't want to sit at the kitchen table all night so I found ways to get rid of them.
1. Chew a little and then act like I was wiping my face when really I was spitting it out in my napkin to be thrown away later.
2. There was some kind of large decorative clay pot near the kitchen table that had a small opening at the top and opened up to a big base. When no one was watching I would empty my veggies in there. (and then one day my mom did some spring cleaning and found the rotted stuff that I am sure was several year old... yeah, def got spanked for that)
3. Sometimes I would toss a few on other people's plates but I could only do a little at a time and found this to not be my best option.
4. My most successful tactic was to stuff my veggies in my pockets... or my underwear... (DON'T JUDGE!)... and then go to the restroom and flush 'em away! Success.

I think at some point my parents realized that there just wasn't much else they could do and I filled my own plate and ate what I could. I would eat green beans and some select others and I didn't have to dispose of my unwanted veggies anymore.

Peas were always my least favorite Veggie and here I am having them for lunch... when pigs fly.

Now, I can honestly say I really do like veggies. Crazy! I still shock myself sometimes with this new taste pallet. I don't put dressing on my salads, I snack on cauliflower, I ate PEAS! Who is this girl? She's out of her mind but I think I'll keep her around. Makes meals so much more interesting when there's more on the plate than just meat and potatoes.

tasty tacos filled with veggies

I told you... I snack on Cauliflower... obsessed!

A tasty Stir Fry

Lettuce Wrap

When you make a tasty salad there is no need for dressing.

Useless

Take a flashlight and try and use it in the middle of the sunniest day outside. It doesn't matter how strong or powerful that flashlight is because it is useless out in the sun. A flashlight requires darkness to be of any use. In fact the darker it is the brighter the light will appear.

As christians we can find ourselves in very dark places and wonder, "Why in the world had God put me here?" We may feel abandoned and alone and wonder how we got so lost, when really we are right where we need to be. If we are to share the light of God with the world, what good are we surrounded by each other? We are useless. But in the darkness He can shine.

I know that God has great plans for my life but that doesn't mean that these great things rest in the distant future. Instead, they reside as an opportunity in every interaction I have with someone. A positive attitude and joyful heart go a long way (beyond what we may every truly know) in impacting the lives of others around us. I choose JOY. Life may not be going exactly how I want it to and there may be a laundry list of things gone wrong but I have to let go and let God. Philippines 4:6 says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." So, I will live a life of thanksgiving. And I will allow His light to shine through me in the darkest places.

Since moving back home I have really missed having a good support group of fellow believers around me. I miss "doing life" with the friends that became family. But you know what, God didn't put me on this earth to be comfortable. I am thankful that he has placed me in some darker places so that His light in me might actually be of use. A lot of times I think we feel it takes completing some huge task to make a remarkable difference in the world when really small is so the new big. There is great power in obeying God in the small.

Be obedient in the small, daily details. Each day look for opportunities to shine God's light. Do not shy away from darkness for that is where He can use you the most. Don't be useless.

I used to be fat...

"But this summer is about more than just losing weight for these teens -- it's also about figuring out who they are and who they want to be."

That's a little excerpt from the show "I Used To Be Fat" on MTV. I share this with you because this is so where I am at right now in my whole life transition. 

One, I am trying to understand that I am not fat anymore.

I am trying to stop seeing myself as the fat girl. It is not easy to get out of this state of mind. When I go shopping I have to tell myself to put the large or Xlarge down and pick up the medium or small. I have to see myself differently and that is hard. I grew up training myself how to hide. Hide behind cardigans, hide behind friends, hide behind intelligence. Camouflage. Blend. Hide. 

Two, I don't want to lose myself. 

You know I never got made fun of in school for being overweight. I mean in the second grade a girl called me fat (and I wasn't even at that time) but, that's it. Part of that is because I wasn't huge and I knew how to hold myself and disguise my size. I knew how to shrink back. And... I was nice to people. So, really what happens when you are bigger is you just get ignored. You just don't get asked to go out or do certain things. You get looked over and passed by and you know it's happening. That's what hurt. It happened by strangers, people I knew, and people I thought were friends... just forgotten. When you lose weight you begin to be seen. You start to notice people noticing you. And it is SO weird! To be noticed can be fun but there are times I just want to say, "Hey, I'm smart too!" I'm funny and can hold a real grown up conversation. I have dreams and ambitions and they have to do with more than just looking cute. I'm getting in shape not so I can look cute in a dress (although this is nice) but rather so I can live a full and healthy life and not just watch on the sidelines. There has to be a balance of it all and I am figuring out what exactly that is so I don't lose myself.

A dear friend of mine who is going through this same transition of changing her life and getting healthy sent me a text message about a month ago that I keep going back and reading over and over: "...I want you to know that you are loved and beautiful no matter what. ... I pray we both remember where our self worth comes from. Him alone." 

I am beautiful. I have been beautiful. And it has nothing to do with a number. I was made in the image of Christ! He lives inside of me! What could be more beautiful?!

This is what I don't want to ever forget or lose.

Three, When do you tell someone?

For those of you who have known me it is very exciting to share this journey with you. I have been floored by the amount of support and encouragement I have received... FLOORED! I told my sister that I feel like I have a whole team of people cheering me on wishing the very best for me. But, as I am out in the world meeting new people it is hard to know if, when, how to share with someone that I used to be fat. And how much do you share? It's complicated and intricate and intimate. It's not that I want to hide it, it's that for every new person I meet I have to feel it out and determine what is right and what isn't to share and when. With some people it's almost immediately that they find out and I let them ask the questions to determine how much I share while others it's just better to hold out and maybe never share because they really won't be around long enough to care. To avoid beating around the bush... in being out and meeting guys this is the hardest situation to know when to share this aspect of my life. Clearly it's not an opening line! Guys don't really want to know that you used to be the fat girl. So, for the most part I talk around it. Talk a lot about fitness, working out, eating healthy, etc. but, I think I've only ever told two that I've lost 85lbs. 

So, I'm still trying to figure this one out. Like I said, I don't want to hide the fact that I used to be fat, I just don't want it to be what defines me. 

I Used To Be Fat... but I am still beautiful.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I know I haven't blogged in forever. It's crazy because so much has been going on and I have had so much to share but so little time to then sit down and actually share it. Also, I have to filter myself... this is the interweb for all to see. I wanted to share this with you because for those of you that are friends with me on facebook and see the fun pictures posted of me out trying to live a full life, you might think that I've lost this weight and now I'm living the charmed life. But, the truth is there is always a new hurdle. I have been dealing with the issues I listed above as well as others.

Been missing my friends from college like WHOA!!! Had a little breakdown a couple weeks ago. It is extremely hard being away from all of my friends who I want to be living life with and sharing all of these moments with.

I have begun the search for a new church here in KC. I have loved Harmony and it's pastors but at the end of the day I need friends... a support system of fellow believers my age and I just don't have that there. Tried my first one this past Sunday and it was... TERRIBLE! So, the search continues.

I spend about 10 hours a week driving to and from work... this sucks! Wish so badly I could move out on my own and be closer to work and downtown KC but I have to make a bigger dent on these lovely student loans... joy. 

I have been stuck at this horrible plateau for about 2+ months!! It's horrid. My trainer and I have tried what seems like everything and that stupid number just won't go down. I'm hovering. It is driving me crazy! I know that as long as I stick with it eventually it will come off but right now... I feel like I could go crazy. And here's why. It's not about the number but for some stupid reason when I hit a plateau it becomes all about the number. And I wake up on weigh-in day and have stupid thoughts like.. "maybe I shouldn't eat today..." - oh really? yeah, that's dumb... and by the way never happens... it's just a stupid thought that I crush and move on but I hate even having that thought. Last friday I went to the doctor to have my thyroid tested so we can rule that out and I started an Herbal cleanse yesterday so, we shall see what happens. 

So anywho, before I unload too much on you... know this - I am so very blessed and I know that with Christ I can and will achieve all He has planned for my life. But, He never promised the journey would be easy. But, I'm here. Showing up everyday ready to fight.

Living in the "After" Photo

First off I would like to say that "Before and After" photos (when they are of yourself) suck! I know, it seems so cool and everyone likes to see them... of other people. But, for me, it kind of feels like I'm hating on that "before" girl. But for me, she's the reason I'm here. She's the reason I get to live in "after" right now. It's hard though looking through old pics... like really hard. Because I am seeing her, myself, in a whole new way. Fresh eyes. I can see just how big I was. I see myself BURIED! AHHH! It's scary and real and so very sad. It's sad because I think of all the amazing memories I had as that girl and I feel like maybe now they are some how tainted. I'm trying to remember these events as I saw and felt them then and not how I see them now in pictures. Does that make sense? College was awesome... I LOVED it. I met the most amazing people there and have the best friendships because of it but, I look back at pictures and I just want to start crying. Ugh, I am such a crier... not really... well kind of. I have toyed with the idea of just wiping out my facebook and starting fresh. Getting rid of all the old pictures of me that I have up and that I'm tagged in since I don't look like that any more... but then it's like... just because I don't look like that doesn't mean that isn't me. That is me. That is my life. My experiences and I want to keep them... so they stay. But, I can't really look through them right now. Unless I am forced and recently I was forced to look through and pick one to be my "Before" photo.

My trainer at 24 asked if they could put my story on the Success board a the gym... and I agreed. What can I say, he's done so much for me I couldn't say no. He did ask for me to find my worst before photo.. I did not do this. I hate those before pictures where they show some poor girl from the side view sitting down, bending over a plate, eating like a loaded taco or something... really? It's like, I'm fat, do I really need any more help looking fat... no. So, I chose this photo to be my "before" because that was the best I was going to look at that size. Still fat but not a total slob. It worked out that the weekend before needing to get this to him I wore a red dress for my bestie's graduation and got a full body of myself in a similar pose and direction. 

I wasn't planning on sharing this on my blog because I feel like I am always posting about my fitness journey recently (sorry about that). Pretty much it has consumed my life and is what I am really passionate about right now and I write better when it's something I'm passionate about. Anywho, a couple days ago a friend of mine said that someone had shared a link with her asking if this success story on the 24 Hour Fitness for Gladstone, MO was her friend (me) and it was. I didn't even know they had put it on the interweb. Checked it out and sure enough there I was. So, I thought I would go ahead and post my "Before and After" pics and the story I wrote for them. Please enjoy.

Recently I’ve had a lot of people who used to know me come up and tell me that they didn’t even recognize me at first. It took me a bit to digest this because for the first time I finally recognize myself. I am becoming the person I always knew I could and so badly wanted to be. I had to find my fighter who was buried under fear and doubt and let her out.

 265 lbs. That was my starting line, but the thing about this journey is there is no finish line. When I started on this path I wasn’t starting a “diet,” I was changing my life forever. Yes, I have weight loss goals, but it’s not just about the weight, it’s about living a full and healthy life. It’s about being able to look back without regrets. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy road; I didn’t want it to be, but it would be worth every moment. First, I had to educate myself on nutrition and better understand my body and how it works. I picked up the book, “This is why you’re fat (and how to get thin forever)” by Jackie Warner and things started to make sense. As a self-proclaimed vegetable-hater I had to give them another chance and find out what worked for me. I made a plan and started cooking my own meals. Second, I began moving. I started out walking and doing some resistance training with videos and as I got stronger I pushed up the intensity and added more in. Thirdly, I continued to remind myself that this was a forever life change and so even when I slipped up and ate something I shouldn’t have or went without working out I had to give myself grace and keep going. Quitting has NEVER been an option or even a thought in my mind. Mess up? Dust it off and keep going.

24 Hour Fitness became a part of my journey at the beginning of 2012. In a little under a year I had lost 60 lbs all on my own but after starting a new job at the end of 2011 I was finding way too many excuses not to work out. I decided to join 24 Hour so that I could hit the gym after work and before I got home.  It was also time for me to take things to the next level and I knew to get the results I wanted, I needed some help. I signed up for a personal trainer and it was the best decision I could have made. Suddenly, I was working out at least 2 hours a day, 6 days a week and I discovered I loved it! Working out has become the highlight of my day. Mixing it up with different workouts such as Zumba, Kickboxing, Running, Lifting, and Resistance Training makes me so much more versatile. I also got set up with the BodyBugg so I can monitor how many calories I burn and I log my food every day. I am so thankful to my trainer, Trey, who revealed the athlete inside of me. He’s gone above and beyond to help with my success. 24 Hour is where I became addicted to working out; I’ve lost 20+ lbs since being at 24 Hour and I feel so strong.

For as long as I can remember I have been the pretty fat girl. Now I get to be so much more than that. I’ve lost 80+ lbs so far. I went from a size 18-20 to a size 8-10. There are no special tricks or gimmicks, just hard work and a lot of dedication. It hasn’t happened over night and I still have a ways to go but I’m ready.

Click here to see the link on facebook

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So there you have it. My brother asked me if I cared that they were kind of taking credit for the 60lbs I lost on my own before joining 24 Hour and I told him no. And this is why, my tainer, Trey. I am so proud of what I did on my own before 24 Hour and I know I would have stuck with it on my own and I know that when I am back on my own I will be okay... but before Trey working out was a means to an end. I didn't love it. After Trey, I am obsessed. He made it "fun." It's my way of living. It's the best part of my day. I get cranky and mad if I don't get to work out. I'd do it all day if I could. I've gained so much muscle and lost a lot of body fat and inches that my 60 on my own to the 25 at the gym really starts to even out. 

my nikes

What do you do with the most important pair of shoes you've ever bought when you can no longer wear them?

my nikes

These are the shoes that I started this journey in. They have literally been with me every painstaking step of the way. They were there when I was walking and speed walking and then when I threw in some jogging and then I took off running. And they were there when I ran my first mile under ten minutes and then when I ran a mile in seven minutes and thirty seconds and when I ran my first race. They've been inside on the treadmill and outside in the snow. They've done tons of Zumba and some Power Circuit Training with Jackie Warner and Extreme Cardio Burn with Bob Harper and some Insanity. They've traveled the streets around my neighborhood more times than I can count and they even made a brief appearance in my second home of Texas. Lord, when I think of all the things I have done in these shoes, the list goes on and on and on. I became a different person in these shoes. I lost 80 lbs. in these shoes. If these shoes could talk they would have quite the tale to tell.

They are worn in and worn out and it's time for them to go into retirement. My new shoes arrived this week. While a part of me feels like I am cheating on my first pair I think they're happy to see me move on. They were there to get me through this first chapter and now they wave me on to bigger and better things.

So, what do you do with the most important pair of shoes you've ever bought when you can no longer wear them?

Part of me envisions them hanging over a power line like you see in old movies.

But, let's be honest, I could never really do that. I'd miss them too much.

For now they will be my back up tennis shoes... the ones I can get dirty, take on hikes in the woods, work outside in the yard. But, one day when I have my own place with a sports room I see them in their own special trophy case of some kind. When people come over and see these unassuming shoes in the case and ask about them, I will get to tell them that those are the shoes I changed my life in.




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These are my new Nikes. I am really loving them. I had worn my old ones technically too long and there was no more cushion or support left in those babies. When I grew up money was tight so you wore your tennis shoes until you grew out of them or you put a hole in them. So, it wasn't until about a month ago that I realized I had overstayed my welcome in my shoes and they were worn out. Running in these new Nikes is a dream. Can't wait to see what is in our future.

Run with the Changes

I completed my first official race two Saturday's ago. I ran in the KC Track Club's 34th Annual St. Patrick's Day Run in Westport. It was four miles long and I finished with a time of 37:44.9. The original goal was under 40 min but in my head I wanted to beat 38 min so, I was very pleased with that number. Especially, since I had to weave in and out to get around people right there at the beginning. They had some pretty decent hills in there as well, with two of them being there in the last mile. In the end I really had a lot of fun. Nothing beats that high you get at the end of a good workout or a great run.

I know, I just used the word "fun" to describe running; I must be insane. This is what's so exciting about this journey. Things that were once so abstract and impossible to me are now a part of my reality. In all of this there has been the obvious physical training that has occurred to build up my strength and endurance to take on more and more. But, the biggest growth has been in getting out of my head. Just believing in myself and seeing myself as an athlete instead of a spectator.

Running gives me a lot of alone time with my thoughts. This is probably a good and bad thing. It's nice to have that time to think but I have some random thoughts that take off on some wild rabbit trails. I thought I would leave you with some of my random running thoughts and experiences.

There is a 3 mile loop I run on quite frequently around my neighborhood. The first mile goes steadily up hill and then just at the beginning of the second mile there is a lovely hill. I really do wonder how many times I have had the pleasure of trotting up that thing. Several years ago my Grammy was working on getting in shape and started going on lots of walks. She and my Papa would go to the park out in Parkville by the Missouri River to walk. One time I went with them and the whole time my Papa would call out words of encouragement to my Grammy. But these weren't your normal words of encouragement. Instead he would call out things like, "there goes a french fry or a whole stick of butter. I just saw a roll fall off your butt." So, as we're walking along the path it's like we left a trail of goodies behind us. Now with this kind of visual going through my mind when I am out running on this path I take so often I frequently envision food I've run off scattered all along the way. And on my #1 hill it is stacked with the biggest load. It really is my marker hill because no matter what other hill I am headed up I think of that one.

I run in the evening when it's dark a lot because with my schedule sometimes that's the only time I can get it in. If I take Manasseh with me I am loaded with him on his leash, my ipod attached to my arm, holding my phone (in case of an emergency), and a flashlight (one, to be reflective and two, because it has a strobe setting that is supposed to cause a seizer and it has sharp edges around the lit area so I can thrust it in an attacker's eye, etc., if need be). I am used to having all this stuff with me when I go out at night for a run. A couple of weeks ago I went out without Manasseh and forgot to bring a the lethal flashlight. The night before there had been a storm so, there were a lot of sticks and branches on the ground creating some creepy shadows with the street lights. I was getting a little creeped out when I rounded a corner where a street light cast a shadow coming up on me. I did a weird freak out move as I realized it was my own shadow... nice.

I attended a private school up until the fourth grade when my parents made one of their best decisions to move us to public school. With private school everything was a huge production; this includes the mile run for physical fitness testing. They would bus the whole school (k-8) out to some local high school track to run the mile. Oh, and everyone's parents and family would come out to watch too... perfect. They'd have music playing as they went grade by grade to go run. I would be so nervous that my stomach would have been in knots since the night before. When it would be my grades turn to run I would be so flustered it was hard to breath normally, let alone while running. Needless to say... I totally sucked it up... and it was embarrassing... and it made me hate the mile... and it engraved in me that "THE MILE" was this huge deal. So, when I went to public school and some random day during gym class the teacher would inform us that we would be running the mile that day, my stomach began it's nervous dance. I was forever intimidated by the idea of a mile. I was at a point where I thought I had done a good job if I didn't walk at all during it but had never run a mile under ten minutes until a couple months ago. Now I can run multiple miles in a row, each being under ten minutes. And now a mile is just a mile to me.

I would like to make it clear that I am not a pretty runner nor am I one of those runners that looks like they are floating as they go by. I have not executed some strategic method of breathing nor do I claim to have mastered my stride. In fact I still don't know if I qualify to be called a "runner." I run at least five times a week for at least 3 miles but, what's the definition you must meet to claim that title? Not sure. I do ponder this when I am running.

When I run at a park I love passing by other runners going the other direction because it's like we're in some unofficial club (like jeep owners) where we smile and nod at complete strangers as if we are good pals. They make for nice nods of encouragement along the way.

I always work out in pants that go down to my knees. But, just the other day I was wearing some shorts that were shorter than that to play ultimate frisbee with some people at the park. When we were done I really wanted to go for a run. I pondered on whether or not I should do it since I wasn't wearing longer shorts but, in a rash decision made out of my excitement of being outside... I went for it. NEVER AGAIN! I don't know how other ladies do it but for me, I spent most my time pulling my shorts down after they kept riding up. Makes it hard to get a good stride going. Brought me back to the days of high school and cheer practice in Sofi shorts. I'll stick with my knee length shorts for now.

Anyway... it's a crazy time in my life right now. I swear you need a therapist to go through these kind of massive life changes. Very blessed to have a family that is willing to let me ramble on about new revelations, thoughts, and experiences. Everything is new. I currently weigh less than what my driver's license says... which has never been true. Yep, you guessed right, that means I weight less than I did than when I was 15 and I got my learner's permit. In fact I am about then pounds away from weighing less than I ever did in middle school. Try and wrap your mind around that. Crazy life changes for sure. I am noticing the world seeing me differently. Now I just have to figure out how I see the new me.

Music that Moves You

You know that moment when you're running and you're about to hit a wall, and then... the song changes on your ipod (mp3 player, cd player, cassette player... whatever you rock), and all of a sudden you muster up some kind of supernatural strength you didn't know you had. I love that moment.

I am sorry, but I cannot do my cardio without music. One, it takes my mind off of what exactly I'm doing to my body. Two, I hate hearing myself breathing heavy (I am not a pretty runner). Three, it keeps me motivated. When a good song comes on, I get an extra little pop in my shoulders, and sometimes I start punching my arms like a boxer ready to fight. I'm sure it's quite a sight to see.

My workout mix is pretty cliche with mostly hip hop/pop songs. If you can dance to it, I want to run to it. Plenty of Missy Elliot, Beyonce, and Black Eyed Peas songs and then some other songs I love in there right now are: Whip my Hair, Get Outta Your Mind, Go Hard, Hard Knock Life, and, of course, others that will come to my mind later and I will wonder how I ever forgot to include them. I want to add some "Stadium Jams." You know, the pump up songs they play at sporting events. I think I have a CD tucked away somewhere called "Stadium Jams" that has all those classic songs on it. I should find that.

Now I must share with you this fabulous song that is my newest "Get Your Groove On Song." I need to download it so I can get it on my ipod stat and start sweatin' to it.
Please Enjoy!


Now, what do you have on your ipod when you work out? I am really curious to find out what others are listening to so I hope you do leave a comment and share. I often ponder what others are rocking out to during their workout or what long distance runners listen to. Do they mix it up? Would I be surprised to find out they play classical music? Do they play a book recording? In high school, we read Ironman by Chris Crutcher and the main character competed in an Ironman competition and his classmates made him a special mix tape for his run.

So, please do share what you listen to and maybe I can add some to my list.

Dear Muscles, I'm sorry. Thank You. You're Welcome.

Had my fourth session with my Personal Trainer at 24 Hour Fitness tonight and in less than 1 week I have lost four pounds! Whoot, whoot!

About a year ago I weighed 265 lbs. (Yep, I just put it out there). Since the end of January last year I lost 60 lbs. with me, myself, and I as my personal trainer and #1 motivator. I am so proud of what I did on my own but I really needed to take things to the next level and I knew to get the results I want I needed some help. I am so blessed to have a job so that I can afford to get a gym membership and for now a trainer (but it would be an understatement to say I am stretching it with the trainer!!!). But, the way I figure it, we are talking about the rest of my life here... that's worth it! So, we'll make it work.

I started up with my trainer last Wednesday night and weighed in at 205.7 and tonight I came in at 201.7. I am so close to ONE-DERLAND I can taste it! If you are a female who has weighed over 200 pounds you know just how much that means. There is something about being a girl that weighs over 200 lbs. that just takes away all your femininity. It's hard to feel like a "lady" when you're bigger than a lot of, if not most, guys. Or when all you are to other people when you're out with friends is "the big girl." I'm 24 years old and I have never had a boyfriend or been asked out on a date. This isn't my sob story and I don't have any violins playing in the background, it's just my truth. I can't remember exactly but I don't think I've been under 200 since 8th grade or freshman year of high school... crazy.

I share all this with you: One, to celebrate. This is exciting stuff. Two, to say that there are no tricks or gimmicks. No magic pill or fad diet that works (Cleanse all you want but, at the end of the day it helps to build some muscle underneath there). It takes hard work, dedication, and a lot of sweat. So, to my muscles I would like to say, "I'm sorry. Thank you. You're Welcome."

Side Note: I love it when my trainer calls me a beast or says, "you need more weight, don't you?" -- "Yes, yes I do. Game on."